Behind closed doors

Hello there  beautiful / handsome people! thankyou for your ever so amazing feedback on my last post like you guys are so sweet, inbox's i received , DM's on insta , comments! thank you!!!!! .....so getting on with todays post... read below if you would like too no what the mysterious title is about!

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS 

This post is about how i myself or anyone presents themselves differently to the outside world, whether it be through pictures, going out , etc etc... but having a completely different life behind closed doors where the reality kicks in... 

I had too think very hard before writing this post because it was such a sensitive topic for myself but i realised how supportive some of you are that instantly empathise so here goes...

There are individuals like myself or anyone else who have a completely different life behind closed doors that they dont show the world outside people may no whats wrong but not the full story ... no ins and outs of whats exactly wrong... wearing make up , nice clothes can make a person feel so much better its amazing how small things can make the biggest differences  to a persons attitude , self esteem , confidence and how they really want too be seen! .... life behind doors is a completely different story for ever individual but ill speak for myself and say how its for me behind closed doors....

Behind my closed doors .... living with CFS and a lung condition ...

Ill start from my morning.... i wake up after trying my most hardest too fall asleep all night mostly around 3 ,4 am i finally get sleep... why you ask?... im in pain... not just any pain ... muscular pain ... joint pain ... headaches.... nausea .... swollen glands... chest pain ....breathlessness suddenly...stress eats me away when im alone at night ... i get tired of being tired ... i have tablets .... i then wake up  ... now you may be thinking " bet shes going too be alright now all the pain is gone after a good sleep" .... wrong ... due to my CFS sleep does not get rid of any of those symptoms hence why its called chronic fatigue syndrome its ongoing .... so i wake up with a headache , still awfully tired , have no strength in the world to get up from bed ... i stand up too brush i feel very very dizzy , i get blackouts... i manage too brush my teeth , eat my breakfast ... have my medicine again!.. ill randomly get a flu and itll make symptoms even worse where ill just feel like going back to bed ... somehow ill get a grip and if we are going out itll take my hours too get ready think plus feeling ill aswell and knowing how much walking ill be doing would tire me out from the thought of it! put all the make up on that i own too hide the tiredness on my face ( dark circles , pale face, red nose ) look perfectly fine  externally then head out ... go out have rests the whole way through ... find spots too sit and take a breather cause i would be SHATTERED! ...now if you see me around town i will look perfectly fine healthy teenager no sign of any illness till... i get home and close those doors behind me where the fake world stops and the real world for me starts i go home throw myself on the bed due to exhaustion remove my make up off have a shower again too relieve the muscle pain  ... get into my pjs and sleep .... it would have only been 4 or 5 in the afternoon but i'd be done for the day and ready to have a nap as my body says i sleep for 2 ,3 hours or sometimes just lye there in pain ... wake up with headaches , nausea same thing just worse all over again!... spend time with mum lying on the sofa watching tv ... go upstairs have medicine same routine again ... No sleep... no getting rid of symptoms .... no feeling full of energy .... no real life.... the make up, social media pictures etc is something i put up just so i can get considered normal out in the world.... feel better about myself ... boost my confidence ... make me feel better about myself despite everything happening ... the pain us individuals go through with invisible illnesses is the worst cause its hard to explain , describe and live.

OVERALL No one knows how anyones life is behind closed doors you may no their name  but your unaware of their story..... their real story.

My Recent Diagnosis  and how it feels.

Thankyou for reading this! please leave a comment or inbox me , DM me ,any feedback would be great hope this helped in understanding or just inspired you alittle! 

Neha x 

insta name : Beautybynay

facebook: Neha jotangiya