Not being ok is ok ...Chronic Illness awareness

  Not being ok is ok....   

Hi guys! hope your all well and my last post was helpful! so this aint a fitness post but i think it also plays a part in my fitness and health cause it effects it by all means so here goes. 


What is Chronic illness? 
So basically Chronic illness means the illness is long term that can be stressful and may change the way a person lives and how they relate to others not because they want too act shady but cause the illness effects them emotionally aswell as physically etc, Chronic Illnesses have no cure to them but can be only managed so basically juggling and balancing things out too help ease the pain. Some can be immediately life-threatening, such as heart attack and stroke or breathlessness. Others linger over time and need intensive management, such as diabetes. Most chronic illnesses persist throughout a person’s life, but are not always cause death but can be a balancing board too life and death. 

How it effects an individual? 
So the first thing chronic illness effects is the way we pursue  ourself so emotionally we feel rubbish we think everyone only sees us as a patient who  needs help , when all we want is to be spoken normally too and not seen like that self esteem goes low now and then cause the thought there's no cure to such pain that we never wanted. Mentally  it does not effect as much but feeling tired brain stimulation is low in some cases. Now physically i havent had much change besides my bones hurting alot throughout the day , chest pains all the time some days worser than others ,feeling weak some days that it becomes hard too get out from bed only cause my body says no even though my heart wants to be out doing things. Socially some days you feel like no one understands you even if they do,so lets put it this way now imagine if randomly you got told you couldnt do things you liked doing or wanted too do and got told you had too put up with something that you never thought or imagined which is uncureable.... horrible right? exactlly .. that thought is something that you can not think about alot but cant ever forget so it effects how we speak to people how we socialize, alittle like depression but not really bad just basic symptoms. 

What chronic illness do  i have?
I have something called Pneumothorax  i have reoccurant Pneumothorax where its happened once on one lung then went then came back again How lucky am i?!  ... how too pronounce it? lol , silent P neeyumothorax. 

What is it neeyumothorax lol?! 
collapsing lungs .....So basically its a  random space in the lungs well chest that comes from the lungs so all the oxygen that go to your lungs get popped by blisters on the surface of the lungs and the air comes out into the chest, the pressure of the air pushes down the lung to  a very minimum size making it incredibly difficult for me too breathe this can happen anytime whenever however it is painful very ,,,,, very painful ..... its like a sharp knife randomly stabbing inside suddenly again and again. 
My story

                                            October  2013
I unfortunately had Pneumothorax once on my left lung then it went away but i still had it but the air cleared if im making any sense, then last october i was hit badly with my second breathing attack where i was breathless in shock , pain , everything you name it!, i had a re occurant Pneumothorax but not just on one lung .... both.. so i was breathing off nothing  according to my doctors my lungs were half the size cause the amount of oxygen that had came out the actual lung, i had an operation on one side and the other lung is pending where my lungs first layer is took out so its inflamed and it stuck onto my chest wall so it temporary stays on and does not collapse , blisters were cut out stitched together. I can never forget that day and onwards cause 2013 feb turned my life upside down for me and my mum .. family. I can never forget my mums face a day before my first operation that had 50% risk of death due to it being my lungs and the heart , she was frustrated cause she couldnt sleep next too me that night before and knew it was then or never her last night with me or not... unpredictable time.. she cried her eyes out cried to the nurse too sleep next too me just for that night before my morning operation... As you no i live in loughborough so for mum too travel 7 in the morning take 2 buses to get to the hospital for me to go into theatre at 8 30 was heart stopping... i still remember waking up at 5 getting to sleep at all so not even waking up but having a shower with some special anti septic shower gel getting into my theatre clothes , had to wear plastic knickers lol most funniest part of it, long green socks, i sat there after waiting for mums arrival it was 8 oclock and she still wasnt with me ... my heart was sinking so bad i felt like crying , but i knew i had too be strong not for me but for her, theatre ladies came in too put me on another bed too take me ... 8 oclock.... 8:10 ....8:15 .... 8:20 .. 8 :25 and she finally opens that door huffing and puffing glad i still was there and not gone! ahhh the relief on her face and mine! finally we went i knew from her face and her silence that if she opened her mouth too speak she would burst into tears , i held alot of tears in that day myself im highly emotional! but i knew she would be worried so i kept a big smile on at all times giving her positive feedback!, signed some papers and then a lady in blue said time to go ready?.....ready i thought too myself i dont think ill ever be ready but i still have too! so signed some papers and there i was about  to go mum beside me held my hand gave me a kiss on the cheek said good luck youll be fine with a smile but with eyes full of tears.. nurses gave her some courage she then started crying and i remember saying mum stop being a baby! im getting my reward for putting up with all this pain for so long ill be fine when im out! nurses laughed saying shes right mum! she will be fine have a coffee! haha we all knew how serious it was going too be but times like that being strong is the only choice you have!
it took me a month too recover from heavy symptoms and a year too fully recover! 
picture above on the day i was going to have my operation while waiting for mum!



hope you enjoyed  reading alittle piece of my very long story thats not all of it but i just wanted my readers to think fitness and health can also be found in being positive and strong accepting failures weaknesses no matter how big or small they are!  we all look fit as a fiddle but have you ever thought deep down how a person is really feeling ... behind all  that mascara, eye shadow , lipstick ... what are the real emotions?  behind that smile is a person whos been hurt so much they've thought of giving up several time but their still stood/ sat  there with you smiling only cause they no its the only thing they can control... staying fit and in shape makes me happy cause i have a strength it builds my self esteem and confidence up  when im on my all time lows... 

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July 2014 
Learn from the past from the good from the bad but dont hold on use it as experience to make your future brighter and stronger
Neha x