what is depression?...

hellooooo my beautiful/handsome readers!, i thought today i would talk about what exactly is depression in my eyes and hopefully you can relate ( if you have depression of course) and if not then you can understand what depression exactly is... so leh go!




so what is depression?...
everyone has  this idea that depression means " a person who has a  mental problem who is negative about  everything and wants to commit suicide and who posts sad pictures and quotes on  social media to get attention ".well that is not entirely true..depression is when a person has gone through a certain event in their life  these events are normally sudden.. ill move onto how my depression started later as i can go on forever!.. now depression is when this particular event makes your self esteem and self confidence extremely low , you prefer being alone in some what way isolating yourself from others, or being around people and still being alone.. you get me?.. so lets say your in a crowded room around so many people yet you feel like no one is actually there your lonely.. no one can hear or see you because people with depression tend to make their own world...there is alot more going on in a persons mind than you think....

what is depression like?  and how does it feel like being depressed?
WELL... its like you are screaming as loud as you can and no one can  hear you.. no one cares or even if they do you apply any  negative past events too your present experience and think they dont care. Its like you are dying on the inside and its slowly seeping out to your outsides effecting you
Physically: low appetite, starving yourself, being weak
Mentally: thinking negatively, sleeping patterns are bad due to over thinking at night about every event and most likely crying majority of the night , concentration levels being low because of being sad,
 Emotionally: low self esteem ( this means the way you seem yourself ) low self image (  how people see you )  low self confidence ( not having the confidence to do anything )  , you feel sad, upset, crying alot,  looking at the negative of every situation   and ending up messing up the situation overall
Socially :  now  this can depend on  how depressed you  feel, sometimes you may just not want to go out for a few days and socialising with people this can be on social media or in person.. you may prefer staying home rather than going out with friends...

THAT'S PROBABLY HALF OF THE SYMPTOMS  haha 

This picture honestly describes depression so so well ..   people only see the top coat of depression .. but there is honestly so much more too it... all of the feelings and  events built up inside a person thats not been let out... during this  time we only and only want people to understand us and not judge us... sadly this dosent always happen.. i personally have had people " saying" that they will always be there for me and when times get rough they  run away...  now honestly ask yourself if your going to run away from a person with depression when they need you the most will this make them feel good about themselves? what sort of person are you  to do that? if you cant handle that how are you going to handle the bigger problems in life? .. so so so many questions to ask...

people who have depression choose to show people how happy they are when they really are not some people tend to hide their depression really well and let it out at home and some people carry it around with them... im the first type i tend to hide my depression.. people who are  very close to me no that i can be extremely low and when i mean low i mean  CRYING wanting to give up on life low... yes.. ive been through that phase.. i go through it alot.. however something always stops me and thats my goals.. university, wanting my own  family, and other goals...  people who hide their depression are  the people who die daily from the inside... its a deadly time bomb  that can blast any minute... they dont talk to people this is why they feel the most depressed...

when your depressed you tend too look down on yourself like your worthless, pointless on this earth, your ugly,  you cant achieve anything, you wont get far in life ...it takes ALOT to make ourselves feel ok about ourselves.. it might sound " omg its not hard to just feel ok and thats an excuse....

i honestly do not ever feel good about myself if you no me well enough you will know how negatively i see myself... i post selfies and all just so i can feel better about myself... sounds sad right? but every nice comment makes us feel like okay well atleast one person likes how i am...

we dont attention seek .. we just dont no how to  be happy about ourselves without the support of others... we have been left alone for so long that we  want people around us with positive comments...

we decide how we want to perceive ourself " but NO!,  events really do play a part in the way we see ourselves... lets put it this way

we see ourselves the way that people who have made our life hell see ourselves...

How my depression started?

You may think this is  a silly reason to why someone started depression but it really is not... MOVING ON!, my depression started when i was seeing someone.. and  i got ill... suddenly.. and went into hospital.. and after seeing how ill i can get... they decided to leave me... not just by leaving but coming to my own house and letting me no that they were with me because they felt sorry for me... cause i suffered a lung condition severe from now... his parents told my parents these exact words " thank god my children dont suffer anything neha does shows how well of a parent i am" basically saying my mother didnt do what she should to take care of me... when it was not even her fault.. it happened naturally...he didnt say  a word.. i showed how strong i was and didnt cry infront of them but once they left.... i broke down... like in tears.. for 3 months i didnt attend college or didnt meet anyone... i gave up cause thats the first time i felt  like no one actually cared about me... everyone is only being nice to me cause they feel sorry for me and i still hold that feeling ....  everytime i got up and held myself together someone came and gave me a reason to feel down AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN....

i went through counselling sessions and still do now and then.. and i have all the symptoms i spoke about...

my message to you is... do not make someone feel worse if you no they are suffering from depression.. it wont help them .. be besides them... hold their hand.. be supportive.. cause you never no you might just find an amazing person behind all that sadness...  dont sympathise .. empathise...please

thats all for today! hope you enjoyed this post!

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